Dreaming of winter

I desire winter like a lover desires warmth,

I crave a cool breeze caressing my skin, inviting me to soften.

I wonder what it would be like to swim in a cold ocean, I want to feel the numbing of my muscles at the edge of freezing.

i don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I appreciate the fruits of summer and the vitality of light but tonight I need darkness, I need the quiet of a night without a moon.

I am overwhelmed by fire, the world burns with violence.

I desire to sleep under a blanket of white, for winter is a gentle death that silences the war.

I want to vanish like mist and flee the battles I never started.

I don’t want to rise, I intend on going under, deep beneath the layers of decaying leaves and into the moist earth where Gaia dreams of blossoming.

I will lay there until my bones turn to ice, until I experience the stillness of time.

I am tired of the quickening, the furious winds that feed wildfires, I am tired of destruction, of defending what is mine. I am exhausted from claiming and declaring my worth.

My mouth is dry from talking incessantly about things that should be understood, things that should be realized.

I desire winter, I want to listen to the silent whispers of high peaks. I want to live in a place no man dares climb. I dream of spaces only the skilled, wise and courageous may access. To disrespect the mountain is to risk life, when death is on the table, men tread lightly.

Summer shines its light on the clumsiness of humanity, people are out running frantically as if the faculty of thinking had been scorched by their heated impulses. The sun calls for discipline lest we be consumed by the flames of rage, but discipline is not common nor is sense.

I desire winter and the soft glow of dawn, I want to hear the crunch under my feet as I walk in the woods searching for nothing. Only in winter’s bitter cold am I encouraged to cultivate inner fire, my breath becomes visible and the hearth seduces to muse to dance.

Winter is the antidote to an externalized state of grandeur, the cold slows down arbitrary timelines and goal oriented movement.

I will say no more winter come, I will go inside and rest, I will do no more, I will dream and pray.

I desire Winter like a lover desires warmth for my heart is tired of putting fires out.