Recovering mother, survivor, alchemist
Living life in your body, motherhood brings you deeper into the fabric of emotions,
you are present and aware of your triggers, of your flashbacks, and how your nervous system is accustomed to coping. Forgive yourself, caress your heart, rest on the earth, and remember you are her child, and it’s a miracle you’ve made it this far.
You survived childhood and learned to soothe yourself, and now you are giving your children a new imprint, you are giving them a mother who is real, who is available and willing to face her shadows. You do not need to be perfect, you don’t need to be happy all the time, you only require honesty.
No longer able to numb out, even though some nights feel unbearable and the weight of the world crushes you into despair. So you gaze towards your babe and remember why you’re on this path, you know why you signed up for this journey. Avoiding internal conflict leads to mediocrity, motherhood is a spiritual path, its a healing path, it’s the path of integrity and you are choosing authenticity from moment to moment. You are choosing to be alive with it all. You have chosen the narrow path.
It's okay to feel weak, feeling vulnerable makes you incredibly uneasy, you’ve had to be strong and resilient, and perhaps it’s hard to put your shield and sword down. This is a time to reach out, to meet others, and change the pattern of isolation. You are a mother now, you need support now, you are a queen now so sit rightfully on your throne and allow people to love you, serve you, and shower you with appreciation. I know this one is hard for you, I know it makes you feel awkward, I know you’re self-sufficient and have handled it all on your own and yet, this is a time for softening. You are kind and generous, let yourself rest in the arms of your chosen ones. If there are none, call them forth, dream of them, see them, and welcome them into your life. Pray for your people to find you, there are other sensitive and mature souls ready to weave life with you.
Sober mothers need an extra hand, the world promotes dysfunction, they color it with humor, they glorify wine mom culture and women get swept under the bridge because everyone around them validates toxic behaviors. Everyone else is also coping, numbing, afraid, and uncomfortable in their bodies.
You know where that road leads, you already know how quickly it escalates, you are not easily fooled, and you can no longer lie to yourself. Motherhood asked you to put away childish games and embody the wise woman. Wisdom keepers can also be tempted, so do not be dismayed when you desire to leave your body and disassociate, meet that impulse with compassion, and meet yourself with love.
When mothers with a dark past, choose themselves, they brighten their future, they spare their children hardship. Whenever you sit with your pain and give yourself grace, you lighten the load for your lineage. Women need each other and mothers in recovery need other women that understand the challenge of remaining present during times of overwhelm. Please reach out and find your circle, and meet the people who also navigate life with complex PTSD and other forms of trauma, it is beautiful to be met without judgment and to be understood by those who have traveled the arduous road of addiction and self-reclamation.
Release shame, release guilt, burn it all down, and paint your face and body with ashes, for you are reborn daily. So if you trip up and give in to the craving, get up, dust yourself off, carry on, keep your eyes on the horizon, and learn to lick the wounds that never fully healed. When you become a mother, you are filled with a love that moves mountains and shakes you to your core. Memories and past emotions may arise because as you mother your child, you are confronted with the ways you were not cared for properly, those painful moments in motherhood are the pivotal windows in time, where you get to rewrite your story and heal your bloodline.
Take heart, dear mother, take a breath, take my hand, and offer a prayer for you are not alone, you are beyond beautiful, it is inspiring when a woman sheds her skin and learns how to be in her new body. Your heart is courageous and will lead you always, keep following the beat of your drum, keep dancing to your rhythm, and remember you are the hero and the only one who saves you.
Thank you for being with me as I continue to shed and learn how to be new 😌🙏🏼