Full moon bleed, full emotional release. Resting in this cabin next to my boy has been so sweet. The cabin is almost empty now, I rest amidst boxes and vacant closets, jumping back to a minimal life, springtime clothes that fit in one bag, one knife, a wooden board, and a frying pan. We’ll soon load our life into the van, and head southbound to celebrate my old man’s eighty years on earth and my daughter, who will walk away triumphantly from four arduous college years. Life is changing, I am shedding, our marriage is blossoming in the newness of spring and I feel blessed. I will pour my blood unto this earth, this land, this cedar that grounded our time here. Two moons, two bleeds, two phases of transformation, and incubation of dreams. The past couple of months have been filled with pain and hope. I bleed and shed the stories of my matrilineal line, the narrative of discord amongst mothers and daughters. That pattern ended with me, I am grateful and proud of that. I still grieve for the loss of my mother while she still lives. These past months have shed light on what I must work on to heal, to resolve the emptiness left in my heart. The mother gap can never be filled, although my life is filled with love, I understand how deep and foundational a mother’s love and care is. I see her as a child, as a sister, as a woman who has suffered and has been unable to track and befriend her shadow. I will gift myself time and space to clear my mind and relax my heart. I will reach out most likely on her birthday, I will honor my mother Bull, the Taurus woman who brought me here and I will see where it goes, with love and firm boundaries.
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